Fear

I think I'm going through a less healthy evolution in my dietary phase: fear. At first, I embraced my new diet, and with a nothing-to-lose-but-fat attitude eagerly attacked my new lifestyle. It was fun, and I was making real strides that kept me motivated and enthusiastic.

Over the past two nights, I had eaten out with business colleagues. Two dinners and a lunch, and suddenly my well-controlled diet where I can google every calorie I eat is now at the whims of the chefs behind a wall. What do these madmen put in my food? Butter? Lard? Sugar? I have no idea. How many calories in an enchilada? Should I go with a burrito? Pork or steak?

I've made real gains that I don't want to give back. I fear I can revert easily and pack on the flab as easily as I took it off. I'm even afraid to take my caloric content back up to a level plan because I don't want to go too far. I've become afraid of food.

A little fear is healthy, but a lot of fear is unhealthy. Rationally, I know one steak isn't going to put 15 pounds on me. I know that a single glass of wine or a single missed workout isn't going to spiral me out of control. I was doing some fundamentally unhealthy things prior to this regiment, and I know I'm going to be more aware of them, and be much more balanced in the future.

But how do you make peace with that, especially since I've been pretty strict with myself during the past few weeks to make my strides? I'm going to have to learn to deal with this somehow.

Tonight, I was safely back home in my kitchen able to control my diet once again. I made a sausage pasta. Recipe as follows.

4 hot Italian turkey sausages, removed from casing (720 calories)
1 orange bell pepper, diced fairly large (25 calories)
1 small onion (used a large Cippolini) diced (25 calories)
1 baby fennel bulb, diced large (25 calories)
1 bunch broccolini, cut on bias to 1 inch pieces (60 calories)
1/4 cup roasted tomatoes (easy to do in oven) (30 calories)
2 servings pasta, I used rotini (400 calories)
2 tbsp cut pepperoncini
1 tbsp garlic
1 tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup stock
1 tbsp tomato paste
chiffonade of fennel tops, basil, and Italian parsley

Brown sausage in pan. Once nearly done push to side and cook pepper, onion, fennel, and garlic in oil until soft. Add stock, pepperoncini, and broccolini, and cover for 5-10 minutes. Meanwhile cook the pasta 2 minutes short of done and drain. Add tomatoes, tomato paste, herbs, and pasta, and cook for another 2-3 minutes on high to reduce the liquid and finish the pasta. Serves 2, 650 calories. Add a dusting of Parmesan cheese if desired, and more crushed red pepper if you're crazy. the large chunks of various vegetables should make each bite taste different.